The industry-leading DaaS platform for scaling your childcare operation to millions in government funding. No children required. Misspelled signage included.
Everything you need to scale your daycare operation without the overhead of actual children
Programmatically generate phantom enrollments at scale. Our AI creates realistic child profiles complete with fictional parents, fake addresses, and fabricated attendance records.
Enterprise ReadyOur proprietary algorithm ensures your signage contains just enough spelling errors to appear authentic. "Learing" tested, government approved.
Patent PendingReal-time alerts when investigators, YouTubers, or anyone with a camera approaches your facility. Includes automated "DON'T OPEN UP!" protocol.
Mission CriticalSeamlessly connect to Minnesota's Child Care Assistance Program. Submit claims for children that may or may not exist with just one click.
One-Click DeployTrack your compliance violations in real-time. Gamified leaderboards let you compete with other centers. Current high score: 95 violations!
Analytics ProAdvanced fund obfuscation ensures your revenue streams remain untraceable. What happens in Somalia stays in Somalia.*
*AllegedlyChoose the plan that's right for your fraudulent operation
Don't just take our word for it — these people definitely exist
"Learing.center helped us scale from 0 children to $4 million in funding. The ROI is incredible when your overhead is literally nothing."
"The ICE detection feature alone is worth the subscription. I haven't opened my door in months and business has never been better!"
"I tried to investigate their facility but a woman just kept screaming at me. 10/10 operational security. Very professional."
Join thousands of operators* who are revolutionizing how government funds disappear. No credit card required. No children required. No accountability required.
*"Thousands" is an estimate based on fraudulent enrollment data